Meagan Good starring in Think Like a Man

Think Like A Man

by A Review by Celebrity Relationship Expert Dr. D Ivan Young

 This week I took myself on a date -- with me. I went to see Steve Harvey’s new movie, Think Like A Man.  As a Relationship Expert & Holistic Life Coach, I am very selective about endorsing anything, especially a movie about relationships. Nonetheless, I must say, Steve’s film took on a very complicated discussion, and handled it very well. The film is about 4 types of dysfunctional relationships. Much to my surprise, it managed to hit more than a few balls straight out the park and directly into the laps of many Urban Americans. Despite that, the movie only scratches the surface of our woes. My greatest concern is that many people will see this film and use it as a point of reference, but miss its most important part, the essence of its message --stop playing games. In my opinion Think Like A Man should provoke thought and inspire a healthy dialogue; not serve as a relationship template.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me begin by saying there is no way in hell any one movie or book can address the vast spectrum of relationship issues. Even if every volume of the old Encyclopedia Britannica were dedicated to relationships, could such materials, individually or collectively, begin to address the intricacies of human behavior, especially as it relates to the subject of love & relationships. To begin with, there are far more than four basic types of men, and three basic types of women. People are unique and far more complex than that. Though communally we may possess shared characteristics and behavioral traits; we may be of the same cultural and social origins, and even partake in common religious beliefs; all of us are uniquely dysfunctional in our own way. For some, idiosyncratic reactions and maladaptive behaviors spawn from parental modeling, or a lack there of. And, many of us are under the influence of mass media and have no actual clue as to what degree our dysfunction exists. Lastly, a sad majority of us are operating on warped belief systems, clichés, and stereotypes. This results in our convictions and behaviors resembling pessimistic survival strategies more than a set realistic belief systems.

Think Like A Man, is narrowly focused on four males with issues confronting three equally distressing female issues. Equate this to holding seven bones, out of a potential 206, to represent the entire human skeleton. This movie is merely the tip of the iceberg, especially when it comes to a real-life view of the communication problems associated with relationships. In case you haven’t seen the movie let’s review the plot and take it from there.

  
The plot - Mya (Meagan Good) won’t allow Zeke (Romany Malco) into her panties for 90 days. Single mom Candace (Regina Hall) has to unshackle the maternal chain for mama’s boy Michael to get the man of her dreams (Terrence J). Kristen (Gabrielle Union) uses the book to coax longtime boy friend Jeremy (Jerry Ferrara) to leave his inner child behind and become a man. And status-conscious, materialistic Lauren (Taraji P. Henson) needs to decide if she’s willing to date a regular man, which is temporally, a broke chef with a good heart and a dream (Michael Ealy). Watching all this desperate activity from the sidelines is Cedric (a very crazed Kevin Hart), who professes to be thrilled, and is anything but, about his impending divorce. Also, as in real life, the most significant and balanced character doesn’t get star billing, Bennett, (Gary Owen) Bennett is the representation of a mature balanced man; and happens to be the only white character in the group. What does that infer about minority men and how they approach relationships? Lastly, let’s not forget Alex (Chris Brown), the male Ho who cannot remember the woman’s name he just slept with, no matter how much he comes in contact with her. Though there are several good points, the focal point of this movie appears to be a well packaged, star-studded infomercial/film designed to benefit from Steve’s book, Think Like a Man.

  
Other than that, I won’t spoil the movie for you. I strongly urge you to see it for yourself. You will definitely enjoy it alone, or with a date. With that stated, I do want to make a few suggestions. Don’t confuse facts with truths. This is just a movie. If you employ some of it’s suggested strategies, more than likely, you will end up with egg on your face. You will not have a step up on love playing the head games you see in this film. To the contrary, odds are you will be stepped on, or be told to step off it you even fathom using such strategies.  Hint- Don’t play with grown folks!!!

Act toward others as you'd have them act toward you. People are unique, so treat them as such. How would you feel if you discovered someone was using a book, or anything else to manipulate you? You’d be pissed. If you truly wish to get to know someone, especially someone significant, DON’T BEGIN BY PLAYING HEAD GAMES. With certainty, I assure you, you will lose in the end. Seldom do such actions result in a positive outcome.

My greatest concern is for those seeking a quick fix, who are shallow, or weak-minded. I fear they will go see this movie, or those simillar to it, assuming that such template cookie cutter strategies are an opportune way to approach relationships. Nothing is further from the truth. No matter how much someone fits into a catagory, you're still dealing with a very unique individual. No two people are the same. A one-size-fits all strategy does not work on most people. The best tactic to use when interacting with a potential mate is honesty and sincerity. Being authentic supersedes childish “throw it against the wall - let’s see what sticks" tactics. A calm rational conversation is much more effective and goes a long way.

People are sick and tired of bullshit. Ladies, if you really want to get a man’s attention, throw out the 90 day rule and just be yourself. Men are attracted to women that know themselves, that know what and who they want, and aren’t trying to hustle a victim to make it happen. Gentlemen, respectable women don’t care how much money you do, or don’t have. Nor are they interested in your shallow, hedonistic Neanderthal qualities. Instead, try being a decent, nice guy. It will take you much farther, and faster.

As for both sexes, whomever you meet isn’t going to be perfect, and neither are you. Great relationships take time to build. If you slow things down, make a real effort at becoming friends first, you can avoid most of the pitfalls that happen to the majority of people. Many relationships gone horribly wrong could be avoided if people weren’t so quick to rush in. Simply taking the time to have meaningful conversations and quality interactions goes a hell of a long way toward creating a solid foundation. Also, stop getting advice from your friends, especially those that throw good pity parties, and don't have their lives together. Instead, try talking directly with, not at, the person your spending your time with about any concerns or issues that arise. Lastly be that which you seek. What you’re searching for, is equally seeking you. 

Until Mr. or Ms. Right shows up, perfect yourself. Learn the lessons which Mr. or Ms. Right Now is here to teach you, then let them go. You shall reap when it’s your season, so be patient. Presently, if there’s a void in your life, allow it to be. Don’t block future blessings holding on to someone you should release. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. Relationships are meant to compliment you, not complete you. 

Fact

“As Long a you remain in a go nowhere dysfunctional relationship,

you’re hurting at least four people.

You’re hurting you, the person your with, and the two people that God intended you to meet.” 

 by Dr. D Ivan Young